Shitty days do happen

There are parts of us we don't want anyone to see. There are parts of our lives we feel ashamed of. Sometimes it gets hard to separate people from their actions. Someone cannot be summarised by only one thing they have done, whether it may be a mistake or a good deed. We are an accumulation of actions, of journeys and interactions.

The moments in our lives that will stay with us until we die are those we never see coming. These moments are random, that's what make them beautiful. We don't plan on remembering them forever, we don't think about their meaning as they happen. It's when we look back at them that we understand the underlying feelings exploding in every ounce of our bodies. Sometimes, our brains trick us into modifying memories, making them better or worse than they really were. We are dramatic beings.The truth is we all suffer at one point. Some suffer more frequently than others and some hurt more than others but in the end there is no way around it. 

There will always be that supposedly perfect day which ends up being ruined by someone, lonely days and unhappy smiles. Instead of accepting this little bit of bleakness we all hide it from each other. I ended up in tears yesterday. I broke down. Yesterday was a very sad Christmas for me, even though I  have very little to complain about, I still hurt because of one of my family member's words and behaviour. In consequence, I had a very heartbreaking day yet I made everyone around me believe it wasn't the case.

I sent happy pictures, smiled as I wished a Merry Christmas to all and pretended to be having a wonderful time when I knew everyone else was having a way better one. I hid that ugly day from those around me. I didn't want to show people that at that point, my life was worse than theirs. We can  only be happy when we stop comparing ourselves to everyone else however it is so easy to to forget that. And yesterday, I did. I hated the fact that I felt like my life wasn't as good as theirs. I felt like I was missing out on a real festive day, like the ones we see in movies. But movies are just that, movies, which means that no matter how much they try, they will never be able to portray with absolute exactitude what "normal" is. We can't help but change even our perception of reality. 

So what I did was hide how much of a difficult time I was having because I didn't want anyone's pity, I didn't want to appear to be ungrateful and I didn't want to be a burden and a downer. These moments in life happen and if we all showed how normal it is to have dysfunctional days then maybe just knowing that would cheer up people a little bit. As I write this, I realise how much of a hypocrite I am being as that was exactly what I was afraid of doing. Maybe reading this one day when I go through something difficult will remind me that I can and in fact I should share what is going on in my life with those around me because even though we all hate to admit it, shitty days do happen.

We don't need reasons to be Happy. It Gets Better.

Healing, I am healing. What a wonderful feeling. A bit like a roller-coaster, there are ups and downs but in the end it's worth it. The fear, the doubt, the wonderful exhilaration all come together and as tears start streaming down my face, I do not know if it is of relief, shock or pure happiness. Either way, it does not matter.

Finally, I am happy again.

It's hard and it's not over but it's a beginning. As my smiles start resurfacing, rays of hope shine through my heart. There is so much wonderful, intriguing and exciting all around. Pain is but a drop in my ocean of beauty.

The conflict between hurt and love inside of my soul will keep happening but I trust life. I trust that I am worth something. Even in the case that I am not, I still have a reason for sticking around and working my positivity through every situation I encounter. That reason is aesthetics. There is nothing more soothing than beauty, harmony and excellence. Appreciating what I have is reason enough.

I do not need an excuse. No one can take that away from me. I can see, touch, hear, smell, taste. I can walk, run dance. I can talk, yell, communicate. I can write. I can love. No one can take that away from me. 

I have built myself back up in the past, nothing will keep me from doing it again. I am as strong as I am willing to be. Lingering in pain is easy but useless. Moving forward is full of promises. 

On Friday the 13th of November 2015, terrorist attacks happened all over Paris. I felt like I had to address this.

I can't sleep. It's hard to breathe. It's impossible to understand.

Which feeling do I hate the most? Powerlessness, rage, pain, grief, disappointment ... I can't choose.

This is not okay and should never be okay. The simple concept of taking a life is beyond me which makes what has happened all the more difficult to grasp. Coming to terms with the fact that we, as people, are able to get to this level of hatred is beyond me.

Terrorism is not a matter of religion, it is a matter of education. Terrorism is about preying on the weak, destroying knowledge and imposing violent, incoherent and damaging views on entire peoples no matter the cost.

Every time such a tragedy happens, it feels like time stops. All my problems become trivial as I slowly become ashamed of what I am doing at that very moment. I can write about it, I can talk about it but concretely I am not doing anything to stop it and I loathe that. Tonight was a wake-up call. I have always known that such acts of terror were taking place all over the world. I would watch a documentary about it, shed a tear, feel distressed and somehow manage to move on with my day. Every single day, someone somewhere dies in the most cruel, unjust and inhumane manner we could think of yet we don't do anything about it.

The fact that the events did not just hit close to home but actually did hit home made me realise how we focus on the countries which have power. My heart is heavy from the horrors of the attacks that went on tonight in Paris however my whole body is aching thinking about how infinitely bigger the pain of the families and friends of the victims which have fallen to the hands of terrorists all around the globe is.

What makes matters even worse is that we are judging the people desperately trying to escape a situation where they would be controlled, brainwashed and killed. We are afraid of them when they are fearing for their very own lives. Refugees are called refugees for a reason, it is that they have nothing left. No home, no future, no resources. Lost in a hostile world they are searching for a safe place to live. I believe that having that- a place to stay where your life isn't threatened- is a basic human right. Why are we building up walls of fear, ignorance and amalgams when the terrorist attacks like the one which happened in Paris puts everyone in the same boat? Something else also bothers me, it is the need we have to politicise everything. Human rights shouldn't differ depending on who is head of a State, no matter which. Human rights do not belong to a political party, they belong to everyone.

It is the same fight we were all thrown into, the fight against individuals with no morals, no basic understanding of human rights and nothing good to give, the fight against terrorists.

In my profound state of grief, I want to send a message. One of love, one of unity and one of hope. Because yes, I dare to hope.  

Moving on: How and why we should do it

We rarely want to move on. That's what makes it so difficult. However, moving on is part of life and the whole process of perpetual evolution that comes with it. I am currently in the midst of a huge change in dynamics, I have moved to a different continent and my lifestyle has had a dramatic change in momentum. I love my new life yet I feel like I have not yet mourned my old one.

Trying to move on, like many other abstract things in life, is not an easy thing to grasp and execute. So far I have been able to realise that it is not just about accepting the new, it is also about understanding that there are things we cannot and will never be able to control. Little things, like what our parents might want to have for dinner and more important things such as how someone might interpret what you say and who you are. We are obsessed about living together in an idealistically peaceful reality, which can only happen through each other's acknowledgement of our relevance in this world. Nevertheless, this is not happening any time soon, so we might as well grow whilst grasping the fact that what people feel, think and perceive when it comes to us only has so much meaning.

Moving on from an old life, a friendship or a relationship is always a long process of understanding that we can only control so much. It is about remembering that the only person who will be by our side all our life is ourself and that we might as well forgive ourselves, encourage ourselves and push ourselves to be fulfilled with what we have at the moment.

What I have at the moment is a privileged life in a beautiful place with kind, smart and exciting people. What I have at the moment is a healthy family, a safe place to sleep at night and my own well-being. What I have is hope, joy and the will to be happy. Writing this short article has shown me that I can move on and most importantly that it is okay not to heal immediately. Evolution takes time, so does building a fulfilled life.

Fight your battle

What a peculiar subject to talk about, isn't it? Your own battle I mean, because if we are being honest you really are fighting a battle at the moment. It might be meaningless or its outcome might change your life but at the end of the day, you are facing something. How would I know this? I know it because I am just like you, I have my fight to prepare for, I have my fight to win.

No matter how much we say this, the truth of it will never fade: you can only rise through hard work, dedication and passion. How passionate are you about what you're trying to achieve? If the answer is "very" then I can say one thing: you have what it takes to succeed.

I mostly write for myself, because I love it. Expressing myself has something very liberating to it. I ponder, I write, delete and reformulate but in the end, I learn. I take time to think and to come up with answers to my questions, with uplifting messages when I'm doubting but above all I try and find the motivation behind my actions. I want to find my purpose.

It all means that when I write something I believe in what I am writing. What I am saying is that you have your battle and even though we all wish it were easier, in order to succeed you have to be the one trusting yourself, you have to be the one to push yourself to the top. You have your purpose, you have your destiny and you have the keys to the mystery that is in your soul. Find that key, find the right lock, find the correct way to turn that key and open that safe. It will lead you to what you want, but as always there will be ups and downs, there will be good and bad and there will be confidence and doubts. The secret is to keep going whether you want to or not. Giving up is not natural to humans. Giving up is something we invented to justify our lack of trust in ourselves.

One thing is very important though and that thing is to accept that sometimes things do not go our way. It is not because you change your mind about something that you are giving up, as long as this decision comes from the heart and will not generate regret. So be sure to differentiate giving up and evolving as they are not the same thing.

As for me, I want to be better. I do not want to waste all the time I have, so I'm going to finish this article and start studying for what I really want.

Be Confident

We all have a story about how we failed miserably at something in front of a large group of people. The story which justifies why we are shy, timid or nervous around other people -or in other words, why we are not as confident as we should be. After reading this, you won't have that any more. I am not saying your terrible memory will disappear from your mind. I am saying that you will not be able to use it as an excuse. Let me explain myself, this article is about why and how you not only can be confident, but why you deserve to be confident. 

First of all it is important to distinguish being confident from being entitled. Confidence is about knowing you're worth as much as those around you whereas being entitled implies thinking of yourself as someone superior and that is not something you want to be doing. It is common knowledge that no one likes cocky people but admire confidence.

Now, let's start talking about that story, yes, the famous one about the most embarrassing moment in your life. You might not have been able to "own it" at the moment, but I strongly suggest to take it upon yourself to re-live the whole moment and then end on a positive note which would consist in you walking off like someone who knows they're so much more than an embarrassment. Because you are. 

In fact, you should never have a reason to cringe when you think of yourself. If you are awkward around people, then it is okay. Imagine how dull this place we call Earth would be without a little diversity in our communication. The truth is that we all hide little insecurities that grow if you let them. There is no need to fear being judged because no one can be perfect. You will be judged all your life and the only way to feel great in your own skin is to accept that fact and teach yourself to be above all of it. You can be confident because you are your own person, because you have a depth in you that no one else does, the reason why a life is so valuable is because of the mind that hides behind the body. 

As to how you can be confident, it is actually quite simple. It shows in your attitude. Being confident has nothing to do with changing your personality because confident introverts do exist, it has to do with the way you chose to react when you are on the spot. Trust your instincts. If you ever feel like crawling back to your safe place which basically consists of doubting yourself, your friends and not speaking when you want to, stop. Think for a second what that sort of behaviour does for you. It does not help you, it will not make you feel any better. If your friends like you, it is for who you are, so do not be afraid to show your true self. Do no doubt their love for you when you love them too. Then, start thinking about how challenging yourself, and leaving your comfort zone for one of confidence can work in your favour. You will be able to seize the opportunities that are given to you, you will be able to become a leader, someone respected for knowing themselves and standing by themselves. If you happen to be in a destructive relationship with a family member, or a friend or anyone, confidence will give you the strength to stand up for yourself once and for all.
So there it is, why and how you can be confident by owning that terrible story which always pops up in your head in moments of pure awkwardness. What I will be concluding for my future self: Don't go to that hole where you question everything and the very reason why someone might appreciate you. It is a vicious circle, and since you know how to be confident I'll let you guess what mentality you need to adopt. 

Freedom of Speech

As I am typing, twelve men are being mourned in France by families, colleagues and everyday citizens. This morning, a shooting took place in Paris, in the offices of Charlie Hebdo, a French magazine. Why? Because their specialty is satire and the cartoonists there had recently -well, in 2006- mocked the prophet Mohammad. My feelings after hearing of this terrorist act were so strong that the only way for me to react was to write about it. 

Unfair, cruel, savage, barbaric, vile, heart wrenching... so many words to describe it all. Too many words to describe it all. Is there such a thing as too much freedom of speech? I believe there is, when it comes to hating on people for their differences. Other than that, developed countries are supposed to let and fight for people to be able to express themselves, it is the foundation of a true democracy.

Yet, here we are. Afraid. What has happened to "I do not agree with what you are saying, but I will fight for you to have the right to say such things" ? Has it been transformed to "I shall stay quiet and suffer in silence whilst I am slowly giving my rights up"? Freedom of speech is a human right which everyone deserves, as long as it does not involve hating on the other. No matter how much I might disagree with someone, we are all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions and ideas. The second we will not be, George Orwell's 1984 will become reality and the world as we know it will be transformed into a huge brainwashing factory. 

As I have written in previous articles, I am naive. I see the good in people. So here I am, hoping that there will be more people ready to speak up, ready to fight for rights that are so vital to a democratic country . The men who shot twelve people with so little emotions will only be fought and condemned through resistance and education. They are terrorists, after that word, no religion matters. All should unite to end such horrendous acts and show that fear will not overtake a whole country, continent or planet.

Let's not give up on our rights, but instead, let's educate each other, let's preach tolerance and let's, sometimes, agree to disagree. If you cannot answer an argument with something other than violence, you are not standing up for anything. I will therefore use my own freedom of speech to send this message, but also to send my love to all who were affected by these events and to support them.