Being Misunderstood

I have not written anything meaningful these past few months. Now that I am sad, though, I feel inspired. Is being hurt good for creativity? Why do we need to suffer in order to create the best work of our lives? Why is it that some of the most artistically creative art pieces ever unveiled were created under the influence of some sort of substance, no matter which? Or... is it all a myth?

I believe art comes to life when no amount of human interaction can make an individual feel like they conveyed the message they wanted to in the first place. We are all misunderstood at some point everyday, hence the being hurt part and the need to evacuate these painful feelings. Unhappiness, sorrow and grief are topics impossible to exhaust. That will stay a fact until break-up songs, romantic landscape paintings and poems about impossible love stop being composed. My point being that the natural human way to deal with overwhelming emotions is to let them out through creating. We are better at what we do, when there is a goal, objective, target or what ever word you use to qualify that singular feeling of having to tell the world who we are. We, as our conscience develops, long to be discovered and valued for everything that we are, and maybe not just what we show. 

As thousands of thoughts rush through our heads, we only have one goal, to find the lost serenity we had not long ago. Maybe, when we go through difficult times, we become a despondent version of what could be thought of as our "normal self". 

When I asked a friend what his biggest fear was, he answered "being misunderstood". The possibility that who we really are might never be known to someone other than ourselves is scary, and there is no denying that. We keep making lists of misunderstood or depressed artists who are now considered geniuses. Aren't we all geniuses in our own minds though?

Having established that, in my opinion, being misunderstood leads to creativity but also pain, the most tormented souls seek for a remedy which often becomes alcohol or drugs. I believe that being desperate to show our hearts and not our minds helps us do beautiful things, because we are looking to outdo ourselves. Whereas if everything goes our way, we do not have the same intensity in our creations as we do not feel the need to be understood. After all, let's not forget that perfection comes at a price and Mozart, Chopin and Schubert were all thought to be suffering from depression.  However, feeling lonely with no one else sharing our view of the world is no excuse for any sort of  extremely deviant behaviour, as living to the maximum of life's potential through celebrating every aspect of it is way more important than suffering in silence. We do not choose mental illnesses, but for the rest of us who are lucky enough to be free from their random grasp, we can choose to let go of tears and be thankful for what we do have. And quite frankly, we should. 

Why we should forgive

To some people, forgiving is a form of weakness. They believe it is the equivalence of stating " I agree with what you did" or "It's okay, mistreat me again" or even "Ultimately, you're right". Whereas I do not think of it that way. I used to though, for a long time. 

To me, forgiving meant putting my guard down and showing vulnerability that the other would take advantage of. So I never did it. The word "sorry" only came out of my mouth when my parents asked for me to say it, and my friends had never heard it even though I hurt them.

As I grew up I became more self-conscious, felt awkward, and started apologising too often when I did nothing wrong. So, as soon as someone would apologise to me, I would forgive them. I was happy someone considered me enough to think that my apology mattered, and so I gave it. That was not the way to go either. 

My favourite definition of forgiving someone is that "it consists not in agreeing with what one has done, but in accepting that they are not the mistake they made". So if someone has wronged you, forgive them. Be clear about it though, tell them that you see them for more than what they have done but that once is a mistake and twice is a choice.

I am not saying everyone should forgive everyone, sometimes it actually is best not to forgive. Yet "sometimes" is not "most times" and forgiving should not only be seen as a mean to reconcile, but also as a tool to free ourselves. What it does mean, is letting go of a grudge, that poisons your brain with unnecessary and violent thoughts. It means it will allow you to move on.

Once you have forgiven, you owe nothing to the person you forgave. You do not need to speak to that person ever again, or have any exchange of any kind. Your relationship does not have to go back to the way it was. In that way, forgiving has actually nothing to do with weakness.

On the contrary, it has to do with having the strength to go up to someone, look them in the eyes and tell them you are accepting their apology, so that you can move on with your life instead of getting stuck on something negative. Now, that is why we should forgive. 

What hides behind violence

What hides behind violence is anger. The anger of not being understood, of not being fulfilled... or is it the anger of being challenged?

Either way, violence always does more damage than good. Is it inevitable? Yes. Is it necessary? No. Resorting to hurting any opponent in order to get a message come across is weak.

Violence is, in my eyes, a synonym to weakness. When people start acting in aggressive manners, it's only because they have no arguments left in their cause, and instead of finding new ones, and fight in a respectable manner, they flee and hurt the ones around. Whilst anger, hatred and helplessness are understandable emotions they should however never excuse an act with the purpose of destroying someone whether it is mentally or physically.

Still, I have found believing that people can be good is the start to a happy life for us, and a better life for everyone.

Indeed, showing people that we care is key. Helping, even the ones who never dare to ask, is a step towards ending violence. Being misunderstood is frustrating, let's start being open-minded. Such a behavior can only lead to greatness, and self-fulfillment. So let's learn to exist, cohabit, communicate, exchange so we can live the way we should, breaking down violence to make it weaker than it already is and eventually making our Earth happier one person at a time.

It is true that this is a very optimistic outlook on life, but what else have we got? I am young, and I have energy, which is why I will use my energy to once again believe, with my core, that we can all change the situation around us, if only we started to care.

Why write ?

Writing has been an art for centuries, and there's a good reason for that. Isn't mastering communication, story-telling and audience captivation a talent not everyone has, and therefore worth acknowledging ? However, nowadays it does seem like writing is seen as quite unfashionable. But if some people still do it as a hobby, then it must not be that insignificant. There has to be some sort of good that comes from writing. 

So I decided I'd write about my experience with the art of dominating words and what writing brings me, maybe because I'm narcissistic or just maybe because I secretly wish everyone had a passion for writing, for expressing themselves through an art that is attainable only with work and reflection. 

When I was 10, I saw a notebook with two puppies on the cover, needless to say I fell in love with it instantly. I had never owned such a grown up possession, and felt quite important. It made me realise that if I wanted to honor this notebook, I'd have to write something interesting, something worth keeping. This is how I decided I'd start a diary, the first one of many. There's a chance that I considered my life as of high importance in this infinite Earth. So I started writing, very irregularly, but I still did it. Kept my word.  It took  a few years, but eventually there was no sheet left for me to blacken with ink. And that, is what I consider as my first achievement. Writing, on my own, with my little arms and shaky handwriting, not until I couldn't think of anything, but until I had no space left. 

From there, grew my love of words. Aren't they beautiful ? From the shape of the letters to their arrangement just like music, it was something I considered supreme, that teachers and clever people knew how to use. Eventually, I also ended up realising that it felt incredible to be able to concentrate on a white rectangular surface, and lay down my troubles, loves, and fights with my best friends. It was maybe better than a therapy, except I was not mature enough to realise it. All I knew was that I liked writing, and it felt good. 

Along the way to my adolescence, I ended up writing only when I felt the need to tell someone how I was. To me, my diary was better than a friend, since it would never betray me, it was better than my family, since it would not judge me, it was better than anyone, because it listened without stopping me. It let me put it all out there, until I had no more ink in my pen or strength in my hand.

Writing, in general, was my answer to difficult situations. An answer. These are rare in our society. Hence came the fact that I decided to protect my answer, the only tangible one I had to every challenge encountered. This is how writing became a part of me, it did not matter if I kept it hidden.

Moreover not only did this teach me that writing was good to heal the wounds of the soul, but without knowing it, I was preparing myself for the future. Writing allowed me to expand my vocabulary, to learn how to use words the correct way, to leave an impact on the teachers' mind. It helped me get the good grades I have today and what's so extraordinary is that I only have myself to thank, and that's a big change from what I'm used to. 

So, why write? Write because it feels good, write because it allows you to see yourself from the outside. When you read something you wrote, you sometimes forget that you're the origin, author, creator of what was nothing. You understand yourself. Write because it's good for you. It's good for your soul yes, but for your memory and for your abilities to persuade in the future too. Write because it's the simplest form of art, and yet, it is so complex. Write because you can. 

Some people have never learnt to read or write, they have never had an education and since you have, take advantage of that. Write to honor those who wish they could, write for yourself.

Writing can never be a waste of time. It will help you develop your very own perspective on life. It helps you see clearer in this giant mess of a planet with multiple systems failing one after the other. 

It's the answer. So try it. 

Overcoming Death

This is a very deep topic that I have decided to write about tonight. Death is scary, it's overwhelming but what it is, I think we can all agree, is very hard to overcome. When someone we know and even love dies, we feel disoriented, as if an apocalypse happened without anyone from the outside world noticing but you.

Every time someone whom I cherished died, it felt like no one understood my pain, not even my family. They were sad and hurt, but they didn't feel my pain. I thought they could not understand how it affected me, how my view of life changed. I was being selfish.

The Truth is that we all have different ways to deal with the crude reality of Death. Mourning is a difficult period of time for any individual, because it involves understanding the entity of our loss but also agreeing to let go of what we once had. Someone who does not cry isn't less saddened by one's death than his drenched neighbour, he just doesn't feel it is relevant to express his emotions through tears.

It is purely personal, but for me, the first step to overcoming the tragedy that is a person's death is understanding others who also have lost this person, followed by sharing. For shy people, it is very difficult and therefore they should not feel forced into doing so but if you can, do it. Share with as many people as you can the bond you built with the deceased, this will remind you that a person's legacy is alive as long as there are people to talk about it. So be the one who keeps this person alive.

Then, comes agreeing to accept the idea that what is done is done. Regret is also very common at funerals: People apologise and talk about how they wished that they had acted differently, and inside of us we all feel the same way. We replay moments in our heads, when we wished we didn't make a certain mistake or didn't argue with that person, so what we have to do is tell ourselves that there is no need to be riddled with guilt. Both of you contributed to building the other and that is where the focus should be.

Finally, the last cobblestone on the path of recovering from someone's passing, is actually to understand that there will never be a full recovery. It is inevitable, the scar will always be open inside of you, no matter if you want it or not. The best thing to do is to accept and come to terms with the fact that you are now missing something, but that each challenge you face molds you into who you are. Even though someone might be gone, you are not, so keep them in your hearts, share them with the people around you and be grateful for the times you had with them.
Only time can soothe such a scar, do not try to eliminate the pain. Try to turn it into something good.

Parents: are they always there for us?

Let me be blunt. To answer the question that is my title, I will use two letters: NO. Parents will not always be there for us simply because they can't. The probability that they outlive us is fairly small. 

As children, teenagers and adults, there always comes a time when we face problems of our own. The most protective parents will try to smooth those, but the more we grow up, the more they let us take the fall.

Which is good. A parent's goal is to ensure that their kids will grow up to be self sufficient, and for that to happen, we need to know that life can kick us in the face. When a parent knows for sure their offspring will be able to pay for themselves, have a partner or a good quality of life, they can burst from being so proud of achieving one of their life-long tasks.

So if you are hiding something from your parents, if you are afraid to tell them something or if you do not feel like your relationship with them is working, be blunt. Honesty gets you pretty much everywhere, secrecy doesn't. Chances are, they will still do their absolute best to accept, understand and get you the help or whatever it is you need. So here is my word to the kids out there having troubles communicating with those strange individuals that are parents: stop whining and start acting. 

For those who are in situations which are slightly different such as foster care or parents who left them: Keep in mind it is your choice to choose who is in your life. If you can count on someone, keep them close to you, if they don't bring you anything good, find a way to get them out.

After all, bonds made with the heart matter more than blood, and this is coming from a person who would do anything for her sister. Parents cannot always help you and erase the bad memories to replace them with good ones. What is the meaning of life, you ask? Finding people who fulfill you, nurture you as a person, help you grow, evolve, develop and who have your back no matter what. They are the people you need to concentrate on. Everything else is not relevant. 

When in Loss of Inspiration

Has it ever happened to you? When you have this amazing idea you'd get crazy excited about but then when you start actually working on your piece, you realise you have no more passion or you feel lost in a much bigger universe. Let's get real here, loss of inspiration also implies going through somewhat of an existential crisis. So I want to speak about my experience when having to deal with such problems. I have my little techniques and I wish to share them on this blog, I do not, however, guarantee it will work for everyone. After all, each and every one of us are so different, complex, specific that it is impossible to explain for sure how we work. 

So here we are, I would like to start by saying one thing: Our bodies are what people see of us, and for some reason they are supposed to represent us to the eyes of the world. What we tend to forget is that their primary use is to bring a material proof of your soul and your creativity, which is why some people get tattoos or piercings or dye their hair. So how is it that we do not keep in mind the fact that our bodies are a perpetual source of inspiration. Its movements, the way it works, its specificity, its unique beauty lying in every imperfection and the constant charming aura it has. This is what can and should inspire us constantly, because there is no end to the discoveries we make about our physical selves. In conclusion, when I feel lost or confused about my art, I start thinking about the representation of humankind throughout the years and its forms. It is truly fascinating, and I stop for a moment. So start gathering thoughts on our ways of communication, our survival, what beauty really is... so many unanswerable questions. Aren't they reinvigorating !?

Once I've taken a moment to reflect on the wide range of possibilities when it comes to humans, I try to think about the actual project I am working on. It is easy to say we have to think outside of the box, but when that box is invisible it is very common that we get lost or hit our heads against the sides instead of upwards and outwards. So here it is, what thinking outside of the box means for me, is taking your successes and fails into account, your best and your worst work, but also the ones of others then to do a massive mash up and try and understand why what turned out to be the best worked better. After that is done, you need to think about the added value you have as an individual. Because, believe it or not, you can bring something here no one else can.Your mind is a piece of artistry that is to be used in the purpose of bringing a new element to your project. Instead of limiting myself, I try to think about all the different ways I could portray something and I keep reminding myself that sticking to the "status quo" isn't always the answer. To simplify my messy thoughts, let's just say this: Thinking outside of the box means thinking inside of your box, up there, in your brain. Let's stop focusing on others and try and make what you have necessary to others.

Finally, sometimes, lack of inspiration comes from, losing interest for an art or not feeling the need to express yourself for a while. It happens when we are drained, either by current situations or the people surrounding us. What is very important to keep in mind is that the problem never comes from you alone, it comes from a combination of you and the place you are at right now. Since we all agree that you are a pretty awesome human being, try and change the place you are at ! It's an awfully easy thing to say if you contrast it with the arduous task it actually is, but it can be done with determination and a need for change, what it will trigger is amazing and challenging: new people, new situations but also new opportunities which will open themselves up for you. If something really is your passion (like sports, writing, teaching or even shopping) and you suddenly feel a break happening between you and "it" , don't stay and agree with what your head is saying because deep down inside your heart is still screaming from the pain of losing that one interest. Get back in the game. Don't give up because you have received countless critics and "no"s from people who pretend to know something about what you are doing. Go out there and try again. Try, and continue because inspiration will flow right back into you.

There are three main points to remember here: individuals are amazing and have always been, there is always inspiration lying somewhere. Thinking outside of the box doesn't mean anything else apart from add your own "thing" even if it might not be approved immediately, so brainstorm about a never ending field of forms for what you do, bring something new and exiting. Finally, if you do not feel encouraged to continue or if you are feeling down, then just keep in mind that you are not the main problem, you are also maybe not in a right place and change always creates New.

10 things which say you're an International Traveler

Today, while I was looking at the statistics of the nationalities of my readers, it hit me.

There are so many possible different origins one can have, but somehow there are always people, such as me, who feel like they belong everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Having lived my whole life in some of the biggest cities in the world, I should know about the incredible melting pot they all are, and yet we can still identify to one another.

So I thought it would be a fun thing to write about how do you really know if you're an International person:

#10_ You know approx. the hours of flight it will take to get from one country to another place on the planet

#9_ You can name at least five other currencies than the Pound, Euro, Yen and US Dollar

#8_ You wear appropriate clothes, which fit with the country's culture (no tank tops in India for example)

#7_ You can stand swapping your diet with another country's without suffering too much

#6_ You know Hong Kong is not in Japan

#5_ You've lived in two continents or more

#4_ You speak two languages fluently and are learning at least a third one

#3_ You know how to say "thank you" in five different languages

#2_ You pack your suitcase in an hour the night right before leaving and know the list of what to take by ♥

#1_ You know the Airport routine better than your own name and never wear a belt that rings or high heels

So here it was, my personal list of statements you can identify with if you're a very International person.

• If you got 0, you have not discovered yet what the world had to offer
• If you got 1 to 4, you're in the process of becoming a world traveler
• If you got 5 to 7, you know what you're talking about
• If you got 8 to 10, you have been through it all, the best and the worse, and know your cultures 

Hope to see you here again soon ! :)

My unclear future

I keep finding myself in the difficult position of having to find what I want to study at university. 

It doesn't seem that complicated, and many kids around the world wish everyday for the same chance I have, to be able to be in such a situation. However, I keep thinking that this choice I have to make will end up in throwing away some opportunities. It might be a childish thought, but the idea of doors closing at my face is terrible. 

I do not want to be restrained. To be kept in a box. I want to be able to do anything at anytime if I ever decide to do so. Ultimately, that's how it is, choosing what you want to study means setting the footpath to take for the rest of your life, it means ticking a box and accepting to stay in it somehow. 

I know I am wrong, that finding what I want to study actually means setting a footpath I can decide to follow, not the one I will need to follow. It means that I will be able to secure my future in some way.

The problem is that I am facing all kinds of issues. My dad tells me I do not have enough ambition compared to my expectations. He could not be more wrong. I want to be at the top, I want to be able to sustain the way of life I am having right now, and to do so I will do my best and more. I am determined and I do not back down easily, I might not be as good as the people around me at doing what I like, but I believe I have the most potential. I push myself as far as needed, I understand the concept of sacrifice. 

Still though, I want too much, I want it all and I cannot have it all. I might be growing everyday and understanding some deeper sides of life, but I am not ready to accept the fact that I will never be satisfied. 

That's my problem, I'm interested in everything but ready to make a real commitment to not enough things, I want to live a really cool life in amazing cities like Sydney or Nice but I also want to travel the world, I feel like I need a challenging job to keep me on edge and interested and maybe make me feel threatened sometimes so that it can help me blossom and strive, but also one which allows me to enjoy free time and my peers. I want a very public job where I get to meet tons of people, get to understand and explore their worlds, see life the way they do but sometimes I find myself to be an introvert, as I like being alone once in a while to reflect on my views. 

That's just it. I want it all and its opposite. It is hard for me to settle down at a time where my head is filled with dreams and possibilities. How can I ever turn away a possible career when I have never tried it ?! 

I like science just as much as economy, but I had to choose between both and I took the second option, which means I will never be a neurosurgeon or a doctor. How ridiculous is that!? I had to make that choice age 15. I follow the french system and I find it horrendously ridiculous. 

I do not want too much, all I am actually begging for without realising it is more time. Time for me to grow into myself, to find out more of my interests and the lifestyle I'd enjoy the most and what type of person I am. 

Unfortunately, it is a luxury I and many others do not have right now. Time. The only thing we can never buy. 

So please, tell me, what is an artistic, public, mentally challenging, creative, people-oriented, well-paying career path I can consider which would ideally also be accompanied by responsibilities and opportunities to go always higher?

And here is the absolute truth: If I could become anything in the world right now (although there is a very high chance this will change in the few years to come) I would be an actress. 

Note to my future self: After studying something clever and finding a lovely job, please do not forget or give-up acting ! What you love does not have to be your job but you should not forget about it either.

Finding Strenght

What is the most obvious about great leaders is that they are strong.

They have the strength to give orders and to push their men in the right direction, they have the strength to stay focused while in difficult positions and they have the strength to keep moving forward.

Great firms and Empires were built by people who wanted to move ahead of others, who wanted to acquire what their opponents did not have yet.

Strength has many different definitions and is present in various situations. Mental strength is what I find most interesting, we can find it in the actions our peers or even ourselves take from time to time: through taking risks, through perseverance, through leading men in desperate situations, through being the main pillar in an ongoing project. Through not only being able to carry your own burdens but the scariest ones of others.

Mental strength is what makes the difference in the long run. It does not matter how talented, skilled or wonderfully audacious you are, if you cannot endure what the world has planned for you.

Now the real question lies here: Where can an individual find that strength, which seems so rare and is the main component of a great leader?

Strength is everywhere, all that we need to do everyday is find it. Most of the time, it is hiding in a passion, as they trigger the most artistic, fiery and sometimes competitive sides of people.

Finding strength is way easier than we think. The first step to doing so is to look for its opposite: our weaknesses. I learnt, in the process of maturing into a hopefully wise and determined adult, that it is only by accepting our points of amelioration as they are that we can move forward. Focusing on trying to fix what you are the least good at is useless if it is in the perspective of getting on the same level as the best, the chances are too slim you will succeed in doing so. Sometimes, in order to be the best we need to accept we can't beat everyone at everything. Spending countless hours trying to change only weaknesses is actually terrible for anyone's determination. 

Indeed, we need to start getting better at what we already "do well" so we can start being exceptional. It is by thinking in that positive way that we get our morals up and continue on our quest to our own happiness and feeling of achievement. 

Strength lies everywhere. It is hiding in you. Not anywhere else. It is in the core of your soul and finding it might take some exploring, but in the end, it is absolutely worth it. 

For some people, it takes getting tattoos of inspirational quotes, reading the biographies of amazing humanists and engaged politicians or simply looking at your family, to keep going on. Whatever it is, if there ever is a moment when you feel like you will fight without ever giving up for what you believe in, then take a moment to reflect on what pushed you to find yourself in this state of readiness for combat as it is what will mostly keep pushing you to your limits and beyond.

In conclusion, although all of us do not always find ourselves in need for mental strength, to get through a complicated time in our life it is required we have it at one point, as a life without difficulties simply is not one. The fact I hope my future self will always remember is that The magic happens outside of our comfort zone, whatever challenges I will face and however atrocious they might be, I need to push myself to get past dilemmas and conquer them fearlessly like the leader I feel I am. Lastly, this is a addressed to every single person on this Earth (and beyond), our daily source of strength are the Little Things that we do not notice enough but which make our lives so incredible. 

If you have been able to read everything I wrote so far I salute you, as I have spent an incredible amount of time writing, re-writing and deleting chunks of this post. You are therefore extremely welcome to give me some feedback, good or bad I take it all.

___________________________________

Here are the little things that made my life awesome today Friday 2nd of May 2014 and which keep me going: My dog, Yoga, Toblerone

Facing your fears

Being afraid is one of the feelings that can remind us the most of how alive we are. Being afraid means fearing the unknown not for what it is but for the consequences it might have on you. So to resume, we are scared because we do not want to be the casualties of the "new".

Now having said that, danger might be imminent and even inevitable is certain situations however we always have a choice. Either to flee or to face that danger. Now in some cases, the first option is largely the preferable one, but in the common world where being onstage is terrifying, we can always try.

That is one thing I learnt, either you keep running or you stand. You wait for the storm to come. What is worse is the anticipation not the actual storm. I also learnt that it is never as bad as it seems and even if it was, as long as your are STILL standing after, you are the winner in the story.

To be totally honest, I am not saying we should face all of our fears because sometimes there can also be good in it. The fear of failure pushes certain individuals to the peak of their potential and the fear of being forgotten encourages artists to be original and to stand out. Sometimes, we do lose control of the fear we have and we let it reign over us, like puppets.

That is when we have got to learn how to say no. No to our instincts that push us to recluse areas that only we know and in which we feel safe. If we do not force ourselves to get out there and to sometimes take risks, then life becomes meaningless. Then the purpose of having a brain which allows us to explore our surroundings becomes null.

It is an extremely arduous task, to reassure ourselves that danger does not mean The End. As a student in the economic stream of my school, I can strongly say that the probability that you succeed keeps growing with the number of failures you encounter. Each failure can teach us what we cannot learn through achievements.

My father made me read a book, and if I were to explain the plot it would sound eccentric and ridiculous therefore I will not, but when he handed me that book he said "It changed my life". I was so sceptic you should have seen my face. I somehow decided I would still give it a shot, because if my father, whom I admire, learnt something from that then I could too. So I did. I read that book in an hour, it wasn't long. At the end of my reading I realised my father was right. This book was way deeper than I could have ever imagined. I truly started to understand the toll it had taken on my life when I found myself talking about it to a friend. This was mind boggling for me. How did that author, Spencer Johnson, know how to convey a message that was and still is changing my vision of the world?

How do you know what is waiting for you when you are too afraid to explore? How do you know that after difficulties don't come great rewards?

I am someone who gets scared very easily. I love responsibilities but when I have to start taking risks that might have long-lasting consequences I panic.

So, after I read that book, I realised every morning when I wake up, I have to ask myself the same question: What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I find this question so beautiful. It opened up my mind on all the possibilities I had never considered before. It allowed me to see that security and fear were not always the best options.

That was a long, messy thread of thoughts, but I got it out of my mind.

For people who are interested, here is the link to a video which is basically a short cartoon of the book I keep mentioning, I warned you, it is strange but it still captures the essence of the plot:

My Empire is down but I am still standing

Here are a few words, that escaped my mind to live in a world which cannot be materialized. Every human, during their lives, no matter how short or long they live, build an Empire. That Empire might be people who love you, people who hate you, places and memories, smells and looks and funny stories. It might be a pet, or an actual Empire. What really counts, is what that Empire means. It will still be alive, even after you die.

When I say my Empire is down, it means I've lost a few people including myself, I left them or ...they left me. It means that I don't feel as happy or as secure anymore. Our Empires are cocoons to which we can run and hide. Mine feels empty. Teenage years are full of ups and downs and I am going through a down. No matter what that down actually is, I need to remind myself that the one element which I feel like I lost is not what consists of my Empire.
What is the root to my kingdom are my ideas and my very own vision of the world. It feels like my Empire has fallen and for all I know it might be very true. However, I am still standing. I am still strong. As long as I can stand, as long as I can scream, I will do so. "Throw me at the wolves, and I will return leading the pack." I believe in my own strength. And with that strength, with my weak and feeble arms, I will build a whole new Empire, a better one. I might be tired, but oh, when I'll come back, no one will be ready for what they'll witness.

 Just think, when you feel sad and oppressed and you forget to see the beauty in life, remember that you are just working on your rebirth. It works just like a computer. You see, when you press "restart" it has to shut down, and the screen gets pitch black in order for it to start up again, and blind you with its luminosity. 

So right now, I am telling myself that when I will get out of what feels like a gloomy dimension of a terrible movie, I'll end up some place beautiful, I'll end up where I'm supposed to. 

If I can write down any piece of advice for myself so that I never forget it, it will be that: We regret the things we did not do, and not our little bits of craziness which push us to do incredibly stupid things.

Only through pain can we get better

The statement above is one of the many facts we learn as we grow into adulthood. There are many things that we are taught in school, but life-lessons are self taught. We grow from our mistakes. I did not seize or grasp the full meaning of this sentence until I suffered a little.

In middle-school you are either bullied or the bully. In my case, it was (how original) the first option. I was the new girl and I later became the annoying ugly girl of the class. So I had it all thrown at my face by some guys that could not see the impact their words had.

Only when I would break down and cry, would they stop, and eventually once in a while apologize before starting again a few hours later.

This is how I realised that it was not me they hated, but my looks. It was not me, not who I was, but what I looked like. What I appeared to be. They truly did look sorry at the idea of me hurting, they just did not care enough to stop acting the way they did. It looked like they retrieved some sort of satisfaction from my pain. I later understood that some of these jerks were going to become really good people, and that for some others it was who they are, and not changing. Being bullied pushed me to my physical but also mental limits as I did things I now regret, but it made me grow as I learnt that in life you sometimes have to be ruthless and that strength keeps you alive . I learnt that looks can get you places brains can't, and that their power should not be underestimated. That is how I got interested into body language.

Only through pain can we get better.

We have all had friends that have let us down tremendously at one point in our lives. What I got from that experience was that there is a clear line between your Friends with a capital "f" and your friends. In french, we have two different words to call our friends, depending on how important they are to us: Amis and Copains. I learnt how and in which category to put everyone I met nearly immediately. I also learnt that upgrades and downgrades are possible. To finish with, I learnt that trust comes from honesty and that there is no point in trusting someone who has lied to someone else in front of you. Disappointments and let-downs are part of life, and they should be expected, sometimes forgiven. We are humans after-all and can make errors, but repeating them doesn't make you human, just selfish.

Only through pain can we get better.

When my grandparents died, I understood how primordial it was to say the words we never say to our families. To say "I love you" or "I'm sorry". Because it's always too late. The type of pain I am talking about right now is the one which comes with regret. Regretting doing something or on the contrary, not doing anything is painful to any individual. What is even more painful are the "what if...". What if I had faced my fears for him, would he still like me? What if I hadn't said that, would they still be friends? What if instead of doing that, I did this? All of those questions and only one goal: Imagining a different turn out.

Through all the regrets my 17 years old self can experience, I understood that I had to give up on the "what ifs" and I had to stop blaming myself. This is the way it all happened, now stop whining. Be the person you wish you were, have the strength you know is hiding in you. Get up and face the world like a superhero does when everything around them is falling.

Because living in fear and regret only results in more fears and regrets.

All it does is stop yourself from enjoying life the way it should be enjoyed.

Now, only through pain DO we get better.

Life in the 14s

It’s funny I have so many thoughts and ideas rushing through my mind anytime and about anything but once I find myself to be in front of a blank page I’m just blocked. I think about what I want to think too much. Does that make any sense? Well, probably not. Oh by the way, thank god autocorrect exists on Word, I would be doomed otherwise and very surely thought of as stupid.

I have a problem. I have a lot of initiative; I want to start thousands of projects at once. I want to be everywhere, do everything and invent what has not yet been invented. I want to take action. And that is my problem. I never finish what I start, or I rarely do anyways. I started writing this book about a teenage girl and it was just so awful I stopped writing 10 pages in. It was painful to read. I also wanted to start this book about teenagers’ problems, and make a list.

A list like, number one: When you wake up and you have 5 minutes to get ready, number two: When your parents ground you for a stupid reason… and so on.

This idea didn’t stick for very long. I do have this thing for lists though. I make some on every occasion I get. The most obvious lists I do are the ones of what I’m going to take with me on a trip, what I need to put in my schoolbag or what I need to do, but sometimes it just goes out of hand. The crazy lists, I make them in my head.

People already think I’m not “normal”- what is normal though? - I don’t want to appear crazier than what they think I am. The funny part of this sentence is if you know me, you’ll soon see that I do not care about what my peers think of me as much as a high-schooler should.

If it can reassure any of you, I do have the symptoms of most teenagers. I love talking about myself and my problems, I am terrified about my future and also extremely lazy, I watch over 25 TV series and therefore spend most parts of my days on my computer. I have terrible posture and do my homework at the last minute and anytime I can, I upset my parents.

A boring profile, you might tell me. And I might agree although I have always thought of myself as an artist. What do artists do, you’re asking me? They do everything and fail miserably but still express themselves through odd techniques. I’m an artist because I love singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting and thinking. I have a very wide imagination, I do not know how to broadcast it however. If I’m being honest here, I am terrible at what is listed, except maybe for acting, which I love above all.

I still haven’t figured out the use of what I just wrote. I am still glad I did write it. I should be working right now, but I’d rather go with my guts, and they tell me to write.

In no way am I a talented writer. I can be a good storyteller but that’s as far as it can get. I still have the need to express myself, and words are art. So as an artist, my tools are words. Of course, writing is an art! I do believe writers to be artists. Just like painters, they create a new universe, a world that they control. They make you vibrate through their art, you are able to feel, through the colours that are sentences and you bond with the characters. Writing is art. It is pure and beautiful.

Some people are gifted and others not so much. It still shouldn’t mean that the ones who can’t do should stop themselves. I am writing this for myself because writing is appeasing, it’s a great way, for me, to deal with panic attacks.

A seventeen year old with panic attacks? You have heard right my friend. In today’s society, stress is what fuels us. We worry too much and don’t enjoy the fleeing time enough. How hypocritical of me, isn’t it? As expected I shall answer with a capital NO. I am frightened because of food, so it has nothing to do with what I just wrote. Or maybe it does a little but I don’t want to admit it.

Anyways, I am writing this for me and if anyone judges, feel free to do so.

After going through a lot of bullying from age 11 to 15 I can safely say that people who hurt me help me. They make me ready for what is to come, they make me ready to be rejected and hurt again and thrown away without being noticed. I thank them. What I went through will allow me to get back in the saddle as an adult, what I went through made me who I am (This is the part where I won’t go: I’m a strong independent black woman who doesn’t need a man because although I think of myself as strong and I know myself to be a woman, I am not black nor independent- at least not yet).

My mind has wandered to how materialistic I really am. I am very materialistic. I love my computer, my bracelets, shoes, clothes and make-up and I feel inner joy when I get something new. I felt wrong for a few months having those feelings towards such meaningless objects. I then realised that the circumstances in which I grew up were not my fault and if I got lucky and have nothing to complain about, then I should feel privileged and in no way guilty.

I am not ready to be detached from society and I admire people who actually are, but we each have our own path to follow. It is not because you admire someone that you are ready to do the same thing as they, and in the same extent.  So I admire people who are able to control their urge to consume or people who do not feel that urge at all.

As I said previously, I am the usual teenager and when I enter a shop, it looks like wonderland. There are so many places I want to visit and so many activities I feel like I need to do, but I never think about how much they cost. When I go groceries-shopping with my mother, I never look at the price of what I’d like to eat and when I saw others did, I then understood how extremely lucky I was and how hard I needed to work in order to get myself this sort of lifestyle.

I put an extreme amount of pressure on myself, simply because I want to succeed extremely badly. It does not couple well with my irresponsibility however, which leads to me frantically thinking of where I might or will end up. I want to get somewhere but enjoy life at the same time. How extremely greedy of me. How innocent. I very well know it is not possible, yet I still dare to dream one day I will have my very own Empire and still be able to have lots of free time.

I don’t even know what I want to do for the rest of my life- and here is another absurd example of the ridiculous choices we have to make at an age where all that worries us are our hormones. I have a feeling that after this sentence, teens from around the world will riot about the stupidity of what I just wrote and the stereotypes I encouraged. Now, back to what I was talking about:  my unsure future.

Growing up in a world in the middle of an economic crisis, I am terrified. Not only do I need to think about what I wish to do for a significant portion of my life, but also about if I will be able to find a job, and if so where it will lead me. Now I am starting to see more clearly the purpose of this long rent: to show kids in fifty years, what it was like to be a teenager in the 2014s.