To some people, forgiving is a form of weakness. They believe it is the equivalence of stating " I agree with what you did" or "It's okay, mistreat me again" or even "Ultimately, you're right". Whereas I do not think of it that way. I used to though, for a long time.
To me, forgiving meant putting my guard down and showing vulnerability that the other would take advantage of. So I never did it. The word "sorry" only came out of my mouth when my parents asked for me to say it, and my friends had never heard it even though I hurt them.
As I grew up I became more self-conscious, felt awkward, and started apologising too often when I did nothing wrong. So, as soon as someone would apologise to me, I would forgive them. I was happy someone considered me enough to think that my apology mattered, and so I gave it. That was not the way to go either.
My favourite definition of forgiving someone is that "it consists not in agreeing with what one has done, but in accepting that they are not the mistake they made". So if someone has wronged you, forgive them. Be clear about it though, tell them that you see them for more than what they have done but that once is a mistake and twice is a choice.
I am not saying everyone should forgive everyone, sometimes it actually is best not to forgive. Yet "sometimes" is not "most times" and forgiving should not only be seen as a mean to reconcile, but also as a tool to free ourselves. What it does mean, is letting go of a grudge, that poisons your brain with unnecessary and violent thoughts. It means it will allow you to move on.
Once you have forgiven, you owe nothing to the person you forgave. You do not need to speak to that person ever again, or have any exchange of any kind. Your relationship does not have to go back to the way it was. In that way, forgiving has actually nothing to do with weakness.
On the contrary, it has to do with having the strength to go up to someone, look them in the eyes and tell them you are accepting their apology, so that you can move on with your life instead of getting stuck on something negative. Now, that is why we should forgive.
