Overcoming Death

This is a very deep topic that I have decided to write about tonight. Death is scary, it's overwhelming but what it is, I think we can all agree, is very hard to overcome. When someone we know and even love dies, we feel disoriented, as if an apocalypse happened without anyone from the outside world noticing but you.

Every time someone whom I cherished died, it felt like no one understood my pain, not even my family. They were sad and hurt, but they didn't feel my pain. I thought they could not understand how it affected me, how my view of life changed. I was being selfish.

The Truth is that we all have different ways to deal with the crude reality of Death. Mourning is a difficult period of time for any individual, because it involves understanding the entity of our loss but also agreeing to let go of what we once had. Someone who does not cry isn't less saddened by one's death than his drenched neighbour, he just doesn't feel it is relevant to express his emotions through tears.

It is purely personal, but for me, the first step to overcoming the tragedy that is a person's death is understanding others who also have lost this person, followed by sharing. For shy people, it is very difficult and therefore they should not feel forced into doing so but if you can, do it. Share with as many people as you can the bond you built with the deceased, this will remind you that a person's legacy is alive as long as there are people to talk about it. So be the one who keeps this person alive.

Then, comes agreeing to accept the idea that what is done is done. Regret is also very common at funerals: People apologise and talk about how they wished that they had acted differently, and inside of us we all feel the same way. We replay moments in our heads, when we wished we didn't make a certain mistake or didn't argue with that person, so what we have to do is tell ourselves that there is no need to be riddled with guilt. Both of you contributed to building the other and that is where the focus should be.

Finally, the last cobblestone on the path of recovering from someone's passing, is actually to understand that there will never be a full recovery. It is inevitable, the scar will always be open inside of you, no matter if you want it or not. The best thing to do is to accept and come to terms with the fact that you are now missing something, but that each challenge you face molds you into who you are. Even though someone might be gone, you are not, so keep them in your hearts, share them with the people around you and be grateful for the times you had with them.
Only time can soothe such a scar, do not try to eliminate the pain. Try to turn it into something good.